guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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