at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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