I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
