Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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