i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
