This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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