please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
