i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
