can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
