You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
