i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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