I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
handjob tips. give me some.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize