I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
