Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
