yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
false alarm, still single
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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