she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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