She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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