I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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