turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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