Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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