Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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