I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
