do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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