you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
