Got a toothbrush?
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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