he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Congratulations! We have a period
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
