i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize