its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
