I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
