whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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