My hand turned me down
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize