cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize