I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
