He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Let's get the cat blown out
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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