he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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