So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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