Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and she was petting her beer can
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
