i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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