he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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