plz talk dirty to me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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