Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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