Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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