I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
