you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
