I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Everything about him screamed your future.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
