this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
