if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
