i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
