i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
