Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
