Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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