i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
