There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
