Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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