She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
