I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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