His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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