i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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