my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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