from now on my penis is your penis
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
