Sponge bath it is.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
