If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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