Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
