Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
