This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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