Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Only a mothe r could love this liver
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
