I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
