I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
